LIBRARIAN
WE LOVE THE ARSCC LIBRARIAN!
8 October 1998:
A Message and Picture from the ARSCC Librarian
If 9 April 1998 was the saddest day in the history of the ARSCC Chimerical Library, 8 October 1998 surely has to rank as one of the happiest. After six long dark months, The Librarian was back. And not only back—she was sending a photo! As a result, we have the one and only photo, above, known to exist of the ARSCC Librarian. You can click on the small photo to see it full size. Because of the limitations of remailers, The Librarian sent her photo and message to Andreas Heldal-Lund and asked him to post it to the appropriate newsgroups for her. His message forwarding hers is reproduced below, with enticing promises from The Librarian of what is ultimately to follow. And although it took her a long time, and although she has sometimes been away for as much as a year, boy, has she ever delivered! And she continues to show up unexpectedly to surprise us with new, previously-unknown HARD FACTS.
From: heldal@online.no (Andreas Heldal-Lund [www.xenu.net]) Subject: A Message and Picture From The ARSCC Librarian Date: 1998/10/08 Message-ID: <361cc006.234798752@193.212.213.145> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology JUST RECEIVED IN THE CLAMBAKE MAILBOX, SEE ENCLOSED IMAGE POSTED TO ALT.BINARIES.SCIENTOLOGY: _________________________________________________________________________ [START FORWARDED MAIL] FOR FORWARDING TO A.R.S. Andreas, darling! Love and kisses from your favorite, most lovable ARSCC Librarian! (I just *know* I'm your favorite and most lovable ARSCC Librarian, because I'm the only one you've got, silly! Here, let me wipe that lipstick off your cheek.) You may be thinking that this is some kind of joke or something; I know that neither you nor anyone else in A.R.S. has heard from me since back in April, when Zed absolutely broke my heart, and left me waiting at the A/V room door, and you probably thought I was gone for good. But it's *really me*! A girl has to mend her broken heart *somehow*, so I closed up the ARSCC Chimerical Library for a while, and took part of the summer to bask on the sands in the Carribbean (no, that is *not* why Bob Minton was down there--really!), and to bask in the lavished attention of bronze-bodied men who really were interested in me for my mind. No, really! Well, be that as it may, there are just *too* many Mai-Tai-soaked stories from *that* little sojourn for me to bore you with them all here. Then Mom had me come and stay with her for a while. (Which was fine, I guess, except the woman *can* go on with her lectures about the fickle nature of men. Sheesh!) She bolstered my spirits with home-made soups and just *loads* of new Laura Ashley dresses that are spec-*tac*-ular, and she had me watch lots of Martha Stewart on TV, and wa-a-a-y too much of Robert Schuller in that crystal thing-- Well, never mind; you probably don't get him over there. (Count your blessings!) Anywa-a-a-a-ayz. I just *know* you've got ga-ZILLIONS of things to do, so I'll get right *to* it. I finally had enough of Mom (bless her cynical heart), and I just got to longing for the old Library. Heartaches and all, dadgummit, I *missed* the place! Can you imagine?! And I just knew nobody else was ever going to run it *quite* the way I had. So one day, a week or so ago, I decided: I loaded up my exquisite new dresses, bid Mom bye-bye, and watched her in the rear-view--standing there by the driveway wiping her eyes and waving as I drove off back to A.R.S.ville. The dear old ivy-grown ARSCC Chimerical Library was just as I remembered it. The key was right where it was supposed to be, under the... Oh, I'd better not say. Anyway, it was right where I had left it for the ARSCC D/Janitor for Libraries, Statues, and Park Benches (ARSCC D/JLSPB)--so he could take in the mail, and could water (and feed--euuwww!) the cute little Venus Fly-Trap, and could try and keep a lightbulb working back in the cloakroom, and could generally take care of the place while I was away. I creaked open the old door, and was hit by a rush of nostalgia that almost knocked me *over*! I walked slowly around the place, my hand grazing the dusty books, my high heels making that familiar echoing sound on the wood floors. Wiping a pesky old tear off my cheek, I heaved a deep sigh, uncovered the furniture, said hello to that cutie-wutie little fly-trap, and put on a pot of coffee. I couldn't believe it; I was *home*! But, oh, Andreas! The *mail*! The *filing*! The *back-logs*! You just have *no* idea! Well, you know me: I pushed up my Laura Ashley sleeves and got *right* down to business (as soon as I had poured a steaming, heavenly, aromatic cup full of hot, black coffee into my "XENU IS GRUMPY" mug). It took me *days* to get caught up. I didn't want to let anybody know I was back, because--well, you know how you *boys* are. I just *never* get any work done when you're around <wink!>. So, there I was one day, sitting in what I like to call my own private little "windowless corridor" behind the Reference Section (where we have the carpet so it's really Q-U-I-E-T, and is easy on the knees if you have to--well, get something off the bottom shelves). There I was, minding my own business, at my own little desk, looking at the Lenske dossier that *somebody* had sent to me (just who, I can't say), when I hear somebody out in the main part of the Library calling, "Yoo-hoo! Anybody here?" Well! The short story is (*how* do these things get so long?) that *somebody* very near and dear to my heart was there to welcome me back. And what a welcome! They had a brand new toy they wanted to try out on me! (Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Andreas! You boys!) They had a new digital camera, and wanted to take *my* picture! Can you imagine?! *Me?* I tried to tell them no, but-- Well, I *did* have on one of my new dresses, and I *had* just gotten my hair done, and I *was* just finishing doing my nails, so I *was* thinking about maybe saying yes, when...FUH-LASH! And I was captured in pixels! I mean, I wasn't even ready! But, as Mom likes to say, "What's done is done." And so I wound up with this little picture of myself, and I just didn't know *what* I ought to do with it. Then I thought, well, shucks! Why not send it to A.R.S.! I mean, I had it as a digital picture, and all. And then I found out: well, *NO* (thank you very much!), you can't *send* pictures to A.R.S. So *then* I heard about alt.binaries.scientology (A.B.S.), and I thought, well, great! I'll just send it there! And then I found out: well, *NO* (thank you very much!), there aren't any anonymous remailers that will *post* to binary groups! Well, I was *so* miffed then that I almost just *erased* the darn thing off of the ARSCC Chimerical Library's computer. I mean I was *that--> <--far* from pulling the trigger on it, when I suddenly thought... "Waaa-i-i-i-t a minute! Maybe I can send it to one of my friends at A.R.S., and *they* would be sweet enough to post it for me!" And that's why you're getting this letter, darling, sweet Andreas! I've seen how helpful you've been to, like, perfect *strangers* when they've sent you something and asked you to forward it for them. And I just *knew* I could count on you to help out a poor, helpless little ol' Librarian like yours truly. I can, can't I, you dear, dear, love? If you would be so sweet as to forward this message on to A.R.S., and to forward my picture on to A.B.S., I would be *so-o-o-o* grateful, that I just don't know *what* I could do to thank you! (But, if you, like, *think* of something, let me know!) Well, that's about it for now. I'll be sending my picture separately, at the same time I send this message to you. If for any reason you don't get the picture, let me know through A.R.S, would you, instead of posting this? I mean, I don't want this message to go to A.R.S., and then no picture show up! I don't want anybody to think I'm just a *tease* or something awful like that! But if you get both the picture *and* this message, and will be sweet and loveable enough to post both (to their proper places), I will just be tickled *everywhere*! Well, I have got to run. There is so-o-o-o much STUFF to sort through and get ready for posting to A.R.S. (You should just *see* that Lenske dossier! And the others I got! Sheesh!) Please send my love to everybody on A.R.S., and let them know they'll be hearing from me real soon now! Kisses, kisses, kisses! --<The ARSCC Librarian> P.S. Please let Zed know that I'm not mad at him. He's too smart for a girl to stay mad at him for long. (Even though I probably *was* right all along. Hmpf! But I miss him, anyway!) P.P.S. Please tell that cute, cute, darling Sheriff Ron that Mom says, "Every gun needs a holster." Whatever *that* means! P.P.P.S. I hope Sister Clara and Marina Chong are doing well. Please say "Hi!" to them for me. I am still *so* humbled by them going to all the trouble of putting up a web page with my posts on them that... Well, I'm just embarrassed, that's all! But let them know that this picture I am sending you is *not* copyrighted, and is free for all to do with as they like. (Gosh, I just hope *somebody* gets the bugs ironed out of those darn digital cameras so they don't, like, cut off people's heads and what have you!) ------------------------------------------------------------------ *The ARSCC, like its picture-not-suitable-for-a-milk-carton Librarian, does not exist. [END FORWARDED MAIL] PS: Check out the image in ABS!!! Best wishes, Andreas Heldal-Lund Operation Clambake: www.xenu.net SP4 & Adm. TOXE CXI _______________________________________________________________ If we value the pursuit of knowledge, we must be free to follow wherever that search may lead us. The free mind is no barking dog to be tethered on a ten-foot chain. - Adlai E. Stevenson |