LIBRARIAN
WE LOVE THE ARSCC LIBRARIAN!
13 January 1998:
THE LIBRARIAN LOSES IT WITH SHERIFF RON
The "Sheriff" of a.r.s., Ron Newman, comes back to the ARSCC Chimerical Library with some HARD FACTS that make The Librarian literally squeal. Why couldn't it have been us? Well, we can feel like we're almost really there as The Librarian loses it:
From: nobody@zeta.org.au (The Galactic Overlord Remailer) Subject: THE LIBRARIAN LOSES IT WITH SHERIFF RON Date: 1998/01/13 Message-ID: <69fcu7$2lp$1@godzilla.zeta.org.au> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology That *darling* little Sheriff Ron sauntered quietly into the ARSCC Chirmerical Library while my back was turned, and I was *s-t-r-e-t-c-h-ing* to put a book back up on a high shelf. I stopped, startled, in mid-stretch when I heard his melifluous voice behind me say: >I wrote to the Wall Street Journal Interactive Edition editors >to ask who the unnamed [signature] was for five of the >Scientology-related organizations who signed onto the CoS/IRS >Closing Agreement. *Shivers* racked up my spine. I was wearing this *really* tight, kind of short persimmon cashmere sweater, and could feel cool air on my midriff--because of my stretching, and all--and I just *knew* he could see I was getting goosebumps. I *un*-stretched and straightened my sweater and turned around slowly, my eyes downturned behind my very-very-library glasses. Hiya, Sheriff. Gosh, you--you shouldn't sneak up on a girl that way. Did I understand you to say that you *wrote* to the Wall Street Journal? (I found my breath was labored, my voice quavered ever so slightly--the man is so *bold*!) Did--did you get an *answer*? Is *that* what you're saying, Sheriff? Oh, don't toy with me. Are you saying that you have some <heaving sigh> HARD FACTS for me? He grinned that maddening lopsided grin, the lenses of his glasses reflecting my own, reflecting back *two* of me, my persimmon-cashmere sweater swelling *four* times, dipping *doubly* dangerously as I leaned forward on my elbows across the Reference Desk toward him, my persimmon lips parted in anticipation. Then he nonchalantly tossed a page on the polished mahogany of the desk. It was from the Wall Street Journal! It said: >Monique E. Yingling, the church's lawyer, signed as POA (Power >of Attorney) for CHURCH OF SPIRITUAL TECHNOLOGY, CHURCH OF >SCIENTOLOGY FLAG SERVICE ORGANIZATION, INC., CHURCH OF >SCIENTOLOGY WESTERN UNITED STATES, BUILDING MANAGEMENT SERVICES, >and CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY RELIGIOUS TRUST. I *squealed*! I swear I did! I started jumping *UP* and down, *UP* and down, twirling 'round and 'round, holding the page up above me, just *gazing* at it in awe and admiration as the bottom band of my persimmon cashmere sweater just kept riding up and UP and *UP*! I had to *stop*! I ran around the counter and just HUGGED that *sweet* Sheriff Ron till I thought he might POP! And I just kissed him and kissed him and kissed him! Sheriff Ron, you have *NO* idea what you've done, you sweet, sweet, smart, bold, terribly clever man! But you *will* find out *all* about it soon, I *promise*! Can I have this copy? I *CAN*?! Oh, more kisses! Mwah! Smack! Mwah! (Oh, I'm sorr-r-r-y, sweetie! I got persimmon lipstick all *over* you!) Okay, I've got to *dash* over to the ARSCC Not-a-FAX, and get this *rushed* out to--well, *somebody* <wink>. Will you watch--not *that* silly!--will you watch the *desk* for me for a bit? Gawd! What a *man*! What HARD, HARD, FACTS you give me! Toodles, sweetie! And thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! --<The ARSCC Librarian> P.S.--(At the door) Sheriff, I think I'm going to have to institute "The ARSCC Librarian's HARD FACT Awards," and you're going to be the *first* recipient. I was thinking of maybe a Waterford crystal kind of thingy--you know, sort of like the one DM gave to Ms. Yingling on that ill-fated night back in '93. Except, I believe Ms. Yingling's was sort of long and pointy, and that she's *may* have a warm new place to *put* it soon. So we'll have to think of something *better.* Hmmm. Well, since it's the HARD FACTS award, how does something in *titanium* sound to you? Kisses! --------------------------------------------------------------- *The ARSCC, like its ever-so-appreciative Librarian, does not exist. |