LIBRARIAN
WE LOVE THE ARSCC LIBRARIAN!
9 April 1998:
ZED'S "DEAR LIBRARIAN" LETTER
This has to be one of the saddest days ever in the ARSCC Chimerical Library. The title says it all as Zed lowers the boom on our lovely and lonely Librarian. What a cad! And Zed may have been hasty, because The Librarian still builds a convincing case for her, uh, "position," about the altered and rewritten works, presenting documented evidence. Although Zed hints, and has since hinted, that he has a different "theory" to explain the altered works, he has never stated it or presented any evidence to substantiate it, and neither has anyone else. When and if he ever does, not only will it have to provide new evidence of a convincing rationale for alterations of the works, it will also have to incorporate The Librarian's evidence that she includes in this and the previous message, and will have to explain why her evidence exists at all if not solely to justify the alterations and rewrites. To this day her HARD FACTS are the only ones we have seen that answer all the criteria and encompass all the data. With those material issues in their place, we turn to the poignant end of this message, where The Librarian muses about locking up the ARSCC Chimerical Library for the last time. And, in fact, after this, she disappears from a.r.s. for six long months.
From: The Librarian <NOBODY@REPLAY.COM> Subject: ZED'S "DEAR LIBRARIAN" LETTER Date: 1998/04/09 Message-ID: <199804091041.MAA22611@basement.replay.com> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Well, I spent *hours* getting ready for my movie date with Zed. I got my hair done, I got my nails done, I went to the mall and just maxxed *out* on my ARSCC Minton-Card, getting the cutest little slinky-but-oh-so-tailored *designer* number I could find--navy blue--plus matching garters, silk hose, and paisley silk--well, *things*--that were just *about* big enough to show one whole paisley. I rushed home and bubble-bathed, then slinked into all my soft, fragrant new *things*, spritzed myself with perfume, stepped into a pair of navy-and-white heeled spectators, and, with heart *pounding*, sped off in my car to the ARSCC Chemerical Library, arriving just as the town hall clock was beginning to chime. I parked (halfway out in the street--hoping Sheriff Ron doesn't ticket me!), grabbed my beaded bag, wiggled my way up the stairs (*you* try it in heels and a skirt tighter than shrink wrap!), and walked rapidly across the library, making loud clicking echoes. I reached the A/V room door--and pulled up short with a sharp intake of breath. Taped to the door with Post-It[tm] tape was a print-out from a.r.s. I quickly flipped to the last page and saw the signature: >Zed The chill of air-conditioning met me as I swung open the A/V room door, then, with a chill of my own, I flipped back to what I *thought* I had seen on the first page, and, indeed, saw it again as I sank dejectedly into the plush red velvet of one of the veiwing chairs. There it was: >Dearest Librarian, Ahhggh! How my heart *wrenched* at those words! I knew what had to be coming next: >it pains me to have to write this post, but I'm afraid that I >have come to my own conclusions about the matter of CST and the >alteration of Hubbard's scriptures. What I have found has led me >to conclusions which sharply differ from the ones that the >Public Research Foundation is hinting at. My long-lashed eyes blinking back welling tears in disbelief and confusion, I privately wondered what the flaming hell the Public Research Foundation had to do with Zed and me. I read on: >I really _do_ love you for your mind... Oh, I am *so* sure! None of us has ever heard *that* one before, have we, girls? >...but I am not going to let that distort my opinions, or colour >my judgement. Well, you haven't seen these *paisley* things I'm wearing, either...A-hem. I brushed away blurring tears and read on. >And so I must take issue with this post. Then Zed did what so many men do best--threw a girl's own words back at her. They were just my intimate recollections about a fun time we'd had together, and they aren't important. The only thing that was important in what I had said to Zed was the only thing *ever* important when I carry on: HARD FACTS! At least he had the decency to quote those--the differing definitions of "Scientology" and "the Scientology Religion" that are found in the booklet that IRS sent out: >> >> "Scientology is an applied religious philosophy. Its goal >> is to bring an individual to an understanding of himself >> and his life as a spiritual being and in relationship to >> the universe as a whole. >> "The Scientology religion is based exclusively upon >> L. Ron Hubbard's research, writings and recorded >> lectures." >> Zed's "Dear Librarian" letter went on to take my heart apart, one painful piece at a time as I sat there, all dressed up and alone, in the semi-dark silence of the lonely ARSCC Chemerical Library A/V room: <HARP ARPEGGIOS, SCENE WAVERS AND BLURS, TO FLASHBACK-- THE FORLORN LIBRARIAN, DRESSED TO KILL, ALONE IN A DIMLY-LIT A/V ROOM, READING A LETTER THAT RENDS HER HEART> First, I find out just how *much* Zed loves me for my mind: ZED, REGARDING THE BOOKLET, "A DESCRIPTION OF THE SCIENTOLOGY RELIGION": >Yes, the speculation about the author's identity is one of those >little opinions [you] like to pepper through your posts. My hand goes to my mouth in disbelief! Well, that will teach *me* to ever again open my full, moist lips and let an *opinion* slip out! Just like on Dragnet, these men want "Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts." I open my beaded bag and retrieve a perfumed linen-and-lace hanky my mom gave me, and try to staunch my streaking mascara as I read more: ZED: >I think I should emphasise which Scientology entity it was that >the IRS says they made the agreement with: Church of Scientology >International. I leap from my seat and begin to pace the short aisle, arms crossed, lips pouting, brows furrowed. ME, SOLILOQUIZING TO THE EMPTY SEATS: And if you were here, Zed, I would swat your *bottom* and *emphasize* that this only proves that IRS lies like an OSA doormat, too! When IRS said that, *they* didn't know the Secret Agreement was going to be leaked, either! *Here* is who they *really* made the agreement with--no matter *what* lies they issued! DAVID MISCAVIGE, Individual Member of CTCC NORMAN F. STARKEY, Individual Member of CTCC MARK RATHBUN, Individual Member of CTCC HEBER JENTZSCH, Individual Member of CTCC MARC YAGER, Chairman, WatchDog Committee, At-Large Member of CTCC JONATHAN EPSTEIN, International Finance Director, At-Large Member of CTCC NIGEL OAKES, Chief Accountant International, At-Large Member of CTCC RELIGIOUS TECHNOLOGY CENTER By: [Signature] Mark Rathbun Title: President CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY <---Oh, yeah: this is *all* they INTERNATIONAL made the agreement with. By: [Signature] Right. Mm-hm. Sure. Heber Jentzsch Title: President CHURCH OF SPIRITUAL TECHNOLOGY By: [Signature] <---Why, it's darling little Monique! Title: POA CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY FLAG SERVICE ORGANIZATION, INC. By: [Signature] Title: POA CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY WESTERN UNITED STATES By: [Signature] Title: POA BUILDING MANAGEMENT SERVICES By: [Signature] Title: POA CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY RELIGIOUS TRUST By: [Signature] Title: POA I sink back into a seat, snatch up the letter again, and discover that Zed wanted to make me eat more of my words, quoting me: MY EARLIER MUSINGS: >>So the "Scientology religion" doesn't have to *BE* L. Ron >>Hubbard's research, writing, or recorded lectures at >>all; it just has to be "based upon" those. That means that >>Sherman Lenske and his cronies at CST--who own *ALL* the >>copyrights--now have official IRS approval (since the IRS >>contractually endorsed this "Description of the Scientology >>Religion") to sell *ANYTHING THEY WANT TO SELL* as "the >>Scientology religion," as long as it has *some* connection to >>Hubbard's work. Well, there I go with another weak, female effort at *thinking!* Bang-Bang, Zed shot me down: ZED: >True, but this has little significance to someone who isn't a >Scientologist. To my air-headed mind, there's the trivial little matter of *fraud* to the tune of possible ga-*zillions* of dollars, no matter *who* is buying the works. But, after all, I'm just a *girl*! ZED: >Of course, it's fairly obvious that Hubbard's _are_ being >altered with the full knowledge of both CST and CSI, and >probably RTC as well. There's some funny-business going on here, >but establishing the "Scientology religion" as an altered >version of "real" "Scientology" is not the reason for it, IMHO. Well, that other "reason for it," then, has managed to escape me, and Zed doesn't bother to proffer it. Of course, me, I just twirl my hair, chew my gum, and draw silly, airy conclusions, which is why I should stick to HARD FACTS, and leave the conclusions and opinions to those who know how to *think.* <SIGH> Of course one of the HARD FACTS I was going to offer Zed tonight--here, just the two of us--is this odd little piece of paper that I'm waving in my hand. But I'm sure it means nothing. <SIGH> Maybe I should just wad it up and throw it away, with Zed's "Dear Librarian" letter. Yes, I guess that's what I really ought to do. Or should I? <Tapping fingernails on teeth, thinking *hard*, brow furrowed, mascara still running> <HARP ARPEGGIOS, SCENE WAVERS AND BLURS, FLASH-FORWARD TO THE PRESENT> Nope! I couldn't do it! I realized that even if Zed didn't want it, maybe somebody *else* could use it, so here it is. But first some background: The film I was going to watch with Zed was "Orientation." But really, *anybody* can go see that at *any* Scientology org or mission. And I think it's just meaningless drivel anyway. (Oops! Opinion alert! Dah-dee-dah-dee-dah!) Well, the HARD FACT I had to pass along is this little "Attestation" <waving it> that comes with the film. You see, it has recently come to pass that NOBODY can start ANY Scientology service anymore without seeing this film, and SIGNING AN ATTESTATION saying that they have seen it. That means EVERY person, old or new, at ANY Scientology organization HAS to sign one of these "Attestations." Here is the text of it: "Attestation "I have seen the film 'Orientation' and I am now informed and aware that SCIENTOLOGY is a religion, its teachings are religious and its claims are religious in nature. I further understand that if I desire to participate in SCIENTOLOGY services I do so being fully aware that these are religious services and that I am participating in them under the ecclesiastical principles of the SCIENTOLOGY RELIGION." Every person must sign and date one before they can do *anything* in a Scientology organization. HARD FACT. Now, I know this *exact* wording is of no real importance--just my overblown imagination make me think it might be. And, of course, the fact that this was implemented *after* the secret IRS agreement was signed is, also, of no *actual* consequence. Right? But, for the life of me, I can't figure this part out. You see, there was a little "'Orientation' Staff Briefing Booklet" sent out with this film. The booklet describes all the details for presenting the film, including strict instructions about making *everybody* sign an "Attestation." But the *public* is not supposed to *see* this fascinating little booklet. (So you just *know* that I have a copy here in the ARSCC Chimerical Library! I mean, that's what I get *paid* for, isn't it?) Annywa-a-a-ayz, here are a few of the weird things that booklet says: REGARDING THE SIGNING OF THE ATTESTATION: "No one who has seen this film can thereafter claim that he was not fully informed of these legal facts." And then it says: "These legal aspects of 'Orientation' are not to be stressed however in communication to the public." <SIGH, SIGH, SIGH> So there are the HARD FACTS. Somebody smarter than *me* will have to figure out why it was so important to *sneakily* make *EVERYBODY* sign a *legally binding agreement* that they are participating "under the ecclesiastical principles of the SCIENTOLOGY RELIGION." I mean, just because "the Scientology Religion" is defined in the IRS/Scientology bookelet--"Description of the Scientology Religion"--as being "based...upon L. Ron Hubbard's research, writings and recorded lectures," I'm, like, *sure* this has nothing to do with the *coincidence* that bogus, altered works are being created that are "based upon" L. Ron Hubbard's works (but altered), and are THE ONLY WORKS CURRENTLY BEING SOLD to Scientologists and non-Scientologists alike. I know there's a simple, logical, reasonable explanation for all these coincidences, but--Gosh! I mean, I've got *nails* to do, and *delicates* to hand-wash, and important things like that which girls like me are actually *qualified* for. So if you're out there anywhere, Zed, there are the facts; use them as you will. <SIGH> As I gaze for one last time down the last page of Zed's "Dear Librarian" letter, my eyes *do* blur again, though, and I read where Zed haunted me with my own words, my own eager invitation: ME TO ZED: >>You *will* come--won't you? And I read for the last time Zed's reply: > >I'm curious, but I'm not sure if we'll still be on speaking >terms after this. We'll see. > >Zed > If that *is* the case, then good-bye. my dear, sweet, smart Zed. I won't forget the cloakroom, or the New Year's decorations, or the fun we had. But a girl's got to know when to cut her losses and walk away without looking back. Don't feel bad; you're not the only one: When I invited Simon5 to a "Stump-the-Librarian" challenge on "The Missing Ten Months," he practically ran screaming out of the ARSCC Chimerical Library. Not only that, but *nobody* took me up on my challenge (and it was a *strip* challenge, too! Sheesh!) Even Sheriff Ron seems to have found some *other* library where he goes to do research on articles about Scientology. <SIGH> (You know, a girl could get a complex! I mean, I may soon find myself starting to watch *Ellen* regularly if *this* keeps up!) Well, it's time to turn out the lights and lock up. All dressed up, and the only place to go is home. Could it be that when I lock up the ARSCC Chimerical Library tonight, it will be for the last time? It makes me sad to think so. But maybe I've done all I can do. And others, more qualified than I, are able to examine and evaluate these strange and perplexing facts before us. Lights out. And a sweet kiss to all. Good night, ARSCC. --<The ARSCC Librarian> ---------------------------------------------------------------- *The ARSCC, like its Librarian, does not exist. |