From: The Librarian <NOBODY@REPLAY.COM>
Subject: Re: The Missing Ten Months
Date: 1998/03/04
Message-ID: <199803040856.JAA10009@basement.replay.com>
References: <6c0om1$sof$1@newsd-131.iap.bryant.webtv.net>
Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology
Well, it's almost *just* like Men's-Read-And-Play day here at the
ARSCC Chimerical Library, because we always play "Simon Says." (You
know, like, "Simon Says 'touch your elbows behind your back.'" The
guys are *always* getting me to do *that* one for some reason. Sheesh!
Or, "Simon Says 'touch your heels behind your head.'" I mean,they must
think I'm some kind of *contortionist* or something!) And now
Simon5@webtv.net drops in, and Simon Says:
>"The Missing Ten Months"--by Anonymous--
>an amazing piece of fiction.
>
>I understand that the sequel is going to be "The Missing Ten
>Months of Life it Took To Compose Endless Garbage".
>
>Simon
Why, Simon! Welcome to the ARSCC Chimerical Library! Would you be
willing to come by and lead the ARS Men in "Simon Says" on our next
Men's-Read-And-Play day? I just *know* they would love to play with
you (and, frankly, they are wearing me *out*!).
But, Simon, *I* wouldn't mind having a little fun with *you*, sweetie,
<Wink!>, if you know what I mean. So how about you and I play...
STUMP THE LIBRARIAN!
If you don't know the rules, it's REAL easy.
See, YOU said that "The Missing Ten Months" is fiction. Well, you
know, I read that darn thing, and started checking it out, and I had
to file it in the REFERENCE section here at the ARSCC Chimerical
Library, because--the opening allegation notwithstanding--I couldn't
find ONE DARN *THING* in there that couldn't be backed up with HARD
FACTS. (And, Simon, honey, my knees just go *weak* over HARD FACTS!
They make my softest parts go pert!)
So, Simon, all *you* have to do to STUMP THE LIBRARIAN is give me ONE
statement from "The Missing Ten Months" that you claim is not backed
up by HARD FACT somewhere. Just *ONE*!
Then *I* have to find some documentation to *prove* that the statement
you chose from "The Missing Ten Months" is *accurate* according to
available information.
If I can't, then you have STUMPED THE LIBRARIAN!
Now, I have to make three special rules in this case:
1. You can ONLY pick from the paragraphs that have dates (which is,
like, 95% of the darned thing, so--big deal!).
2. You must exclude the parenthetical "commentary" at the end of some
of the paragraphs, 'cause they're just, like, well, *comments.*
3. You must specifically exclude the opening allegation that "L. Ron
Hubbard was abducted by agents of the United States government." Why?
Because, honey, I am *NOT* with the CIA, FBI, IRS, DOJ, DOD, NSC, CST,
RTC, or any of those other alphabet-soup-groups who would *know*. You
*may* include the rest of that paragraph, since it DOES include a
date.
So, Simon...are you ready to play STUMP THE LIBRARIAN?
I *promise* you I can make it worth your while.
I'll be waiting, Simon, with parted, wet lips and labored breath. Come
on, Simon, honey. Won't you *please* play with me!
--<The ARSCC Librarian>
P.S. Zed, Sheriff Ron, David, Ace--*all* you other sexy, studious boys
out there. You *know* I love you all, and that you are welcome to jump
in any time and try to STUMP THE LIBRARIAN! I'll be waiting!
P.P.S. Simon--Just in case you didn't know, STUMP THE LIBRARIAN is a
*strip* game!
---------------------------------------------------------------
*The ARSCC, like its "won't-somebody-play-with-me" Librarian, does not
exist.
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