LIBRARIAN
WE LOVE THE ARSCC LIBRARIAN!
13 January 1998:
Re: The Missing Ten Months
Always up for a strip version of "Stump the Librarian," our favorite keeper of the word challenges a poster with the nick of "Simon" to put up or shut up. Someone had anonymously posted an article called "The Missing Ten Months". When Simon called it "an amazing piece of fiction," The Librarian seemed to think Simon had filed it in the wrong section of the ARSCC Chimerical Library—she had filed it in "Reference"—and offered to let him back up his claim. For some reason, Simon never took her up on her most enticing offer. And neither did anyone else. Is it too late—can we play?
From: The Librarian <NOBODY@REPLAY.COM> Subject: Re: The Missing Ten Months Date: 1998/03/04 Message-ID: <199803040856.JAA10009@basement.replay.com> References: <6c0om1$sof$1@newsd-131.iap.bryant.webtv.net> Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology Well, it's almost *just* like Men's-Read-And-Play day here at the ARSCC Chimerical Library, because we always play "Simon Says." (You know, like, "Simon Says 'touch your elbows behind your back.'" The guys are *always* getting me to do *that* one for some reason. Sheesh! Or, "Simon Says 'touch your heels behind your head.'" I mean,they must think I'm some kind of *contortionist* or something!) And now Simon5@webtv.net drops in, and Simon Says: >"The Missing Ten Months"--by Anonymous-- >an amazing piece of fiction. > >I understand that the sequel is going to be "The Missing Ten >Months of Life it Took To Compose Endless Garbage". > >Simon Why, Simon! Welcome to the ARSCC Chimerical Library! Would you be willing to come by and lead the ARS Men in "Simon Says" on our next Men's-Read-And-Play day? I just *know* they would love to play with you (and, frankly, they are wearing me *out*!). But, Simon, *I* wouldn't mind having a little fun with *you*, sweetie, <Wink!>, if you know what I mean. So how about you and I play... STUMP THE LIBRARIAN! If you don't know the rules, it's REAL easy. See, YOU said that "The Missing Ten Months" is fiction. Well, you know, I read that darn thing, and started checking it out, and I had to file it in the REFERENCE section here at the ARSCC Chimerical Library, because--the opening allegation notwithstanding--I couldn't find ONE DARN *THING* in there that couldn't be backed up with HARD FACTS. (And, Simon, honey, my knees just go *weak* over HARD FACTS! They make my softest parts go pert!) So, Simon, all *you* have to do to STUMP THE LIBRARIAN is give me ONE statement from "The Missing Ten Months" that you claim is not backed up by HARD FACT somewhere. Just *ONE*! Then *I* have to find some documentation to *prove* that the statement you chose from "The Missing Ten Months" is *accurate* according to available information. If I can't, then you have STUMPED THE LIBRARIAN! Now, I have to make three special rules in this case: 1. You can ONLY pick from the paragraphs that have dates (which is, like, 95% of the darned thing, so--big deal!). 2. You must exclude the parenthetical "commentary" at the end of some of the paragraphs, 'cause they're just, like, well, *comments.* 3. You must specifically exclude the opening allegation that "L. Ron Hubbard was abducted by agents of the United States government." Why? Because, honey, I am *NOT* with the CIA, FBI, IRS, DOJ, DOD, NSC, CST, RTC, or any of those other alphabet-soup-groups who would *know*. You *may* include the rest of that paragraph, since it DOES include a date. So, Simon...are you ready to play STUMP THE LIBRARIAN? I *promise* you I can make it worth your while. I'll be waiting, Simon, with parted, wet lips and labored breath. Come on, Simon, honey. Won't you *please* play with me! --<The ARSCC Librarian> P.S. Zed, Sheriff Ron, David, Ace--*all* you other sexy, studious boys out there. You *know* I love you all, and that you are welcome to jump in any time and try to STUMP THE LIBRARIAN! I'll be waiting! P.P.S. Simon--Just in case you didn't know, STUMP THE LIBRARIAN is a *strip* game! --------------------------------------------------------------- *The ARSCC, like its "won't-somebody-play-with-me" Librarian, does not exist. |