From: firstname.lastname@example.org (The Galactic Overlord Remailer)
Subject: THE LIBRARIAN LOSES IT WITH SHERIFF RON
That *darling* little Sheriff Ron sauntered quietly into the ARSCC
Chirmerical Library while my back was turned, and I was
*s-t-r-e-t-c-h-ing* to put a book back up on a high shelf. I stopped,
startled, in mid-stretch when I heard his melifluous voice behind me
>I wrote to the Wall Street Journal Interactive Edition editors
>to ask who the unnamed [signature] was for five of the
>Scientology-related organizations who signed onto the CoS/IRS
*Shivers* racked up my spine. I was wearing this *really* tight, kind
of short persimmon cashmere sweater, and could feel cool air on my
midriff--because of my stretching, and all--and I just *knew* he could
see I was getting goosebumps. I *un*-stretched and straightened my
sweater and turned around slowly, my eyes downturned behind my
Hiya, Sheriff. Gosh, you--you shouldn't sneak up on a girl that way.
Did I understand you to say that you *wrote* to the Wall Street
Journal? (I found my breath was labored, my voice quavered ever so
slightly--the man is so *bold*!) Did--did you get an *answer*? Is
*that* what you're saying, Sheriff? Oh, don't toy with me. Are you
saying that you have some <heaving sigh> HARD FACTS for me?
He grinned that maddening lopsided grin, the lenses of his glasses
reflecting my own, reflecting back *two* of me, my persimmon-cashmere
sweater swelling *four* times, dipping *doubly* dangerously as I
leaned forward on my elbows across the Reference Desk toward him, my
persimmon lips parted in anticipation. Then he nonchalantly tossed a
page on the polished mahogany of the desk. It was from the Wall Street
Journal! It said:
>Monique E. Yingling, the church's lawyer, signed as POA (Power
>of Attorney) for CHURCH OF SPIRITUAL TECHNOLOGY, CHURCH OF
>SCIENTOLOGY FLAG SERVICE ORGANIZATION, INC., CHURCH OF
>SCIENTOLOGY WESTERN UNITED STATES, BUILDING MANAGEMENT SERVICES,
>and CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY RELIGIOUS TRUST.
I *squealed*! I swear I did! I started jumping *UP* and down, *UP* and
down, twirling 'round and 'round, holding the page up above me, just
*gazing* at it in awe and admiration as the bottom band of my
persimmon cashmere sweater just kept riding up and UP and *UP*! I had
to *stop*! I ran around the counter and just HUGGED that *sweet*
Sheriff Ron till I thought he might POP! And I just kissed him and
kissed him and kissed him!
Sheriff Ron, you have *NO* idea what you've done, you sweet, sweet,
smart, bold, terribly clever man! But you *will* find out *all* about
it soon, I *promise*! Can I have this copy? I *CAN*?! Oh, more kisses!
Mwah! Smack! Mwah! (Oh, I'm sorr-r-r-y, sweetie! I got persimmon
lipstick all *over* you!)
Okay, I've got to *dash* over to the ARSCC Not-a-FAX, and get this
*rushed* out to--well, *somebody* <wink>. Will you watch--not *that*
silly!--will you watch the *desk* for me for a bit? Gawd! What a
*man*! What HARD, HARD, FACTS you give me!
Toodles, sweetie! And thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
--<The ARSCC Librarian>
P.S.--(At the door) Sheriff, I think I'm going to have to institute
"The ARSCC Librarian's HARD FACT Awards," and you're going to be the
*first* recipient. I was thinking of maybe a Waterford crystal kind of
thingy--you know, sort of like the one DM gave to Ms. Yingling on that
ill-fated night back in '93. Except, I believe Ms. Yingling's was sort
of long and pointy, and that she's *may* have a warm new place to
*put* it soon. So we'll have to think of something *better.* Hmmm.
Well, since it's the HARD FACTS award, how does something in
*titanium* sound to you? Kisses!
*The ARSCC, like its ever-so-appreciative Librarian, does not exist.