4 January 1998:
LIBRARIAN CALLING JETA!
We can't tell if this is really The Librarian's second post of 1998 or her third. Here's the conundrum: in her P.S. she refers to having woken up on top of the map cabinet after the New Year's Eve party, which she doesn't cover that until what appears to be her next post, "Re: ENTHETA.NET archive: The Librarian." But that post is dated 5 January 1998, the day after this one. One possible explanation is found in the variables of anonymous remailers, which is how she was posting to a.r.s. It seems that it's possible to randomize or delay the posting of a message through a remailer using certain commands, and, also, remailers appear to be sometimes erratic in their delivery of messages to usenet even without the user implementing any of the variable time commands. We decided to keep it all as much in date order as possible, so you can read about the scandalous map cabinet episode in the next message. Here in this message, though, The Librarian has come up against a question even she can't answer. (Answers to this question and other questions associated with The Librarian later became available with the anonymous posting of the "CST Legal Papers" series, so we have included that series on this site for those who would like to find out more.) Here's The Librarian:
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (The Galactic Overlord Remailer)
Subject: LIBRARIAN CALLING JETA!
REMOVE_THIS_jeta@xs4all.nl (Jeta) dropped a note in my in-basket, which
is in the cloak-room, where there is STILL no light bulb! (Zane! Aren't
you the ARSCC Janitor Pro-tem? I *know* that the ARSCC D/Janitor for
Libraries, Statues, and Park Benches is *supposed* to replace the light
bulb, but would you *puh-leeeese* be a sweetie, bypass that lazy ARSCC
D/JLSPB, and come on over here and screw one in for me? Would you,
pretty please, Zane, honey? I'll make it worth your while, I *swear*!)
An-n-n-ywa-a-a-yz! Poor, poor Jeta, you sweet, patient thing, you. I'm
*so* sorry, but I finally found your message in my *dark* in-basket
with my penlight, when I went there looking for my overdue Minton
Your sweet little note said:
>The Librarian (through email@example.com (The Galactic Overlord
>> *FOUNDERS* OF CST:
>[3 non-Scientologists; 1 perhaps a Scientologist]
>> *SPECIAL DIRECTORS* OF CST:
> I've some questions Lib honey.
> Does the "board" of founders control CST? If not, I
>assume the board of directors does (correct?). So:
> How many directors are there in this board in total?
> If it doesn't exist of "special directors" only: who are
>the "normal directors" (+Scn / -Scn)?
> Is this a one-person, one-vote board?
> If ya need a new bra I'll send you the money, let me
Jeta! You've got more questions for me than the IRS is gonna' have for
Well, shoot, Jeta, *I* don't know. That's a pretty tight-lipped bunch
over there at CST. I mean, all they do is just dig, dig, dig all the
time. Sheesh! It's like it's the Seven Dwarves, or something. Bury,
bury, bury! Busy, busy, busy!
Jeta, I'm going to *do* something to find out for you. The holidays are
over now, and I've just *got* to get down to business, so I will. I
know you've been *so-o-o-o* patient with me, and I've been *so-o-o-o*
slack over the holidays. But I have my crispest, Librarianist skirt and
blouse on now, and I have this new pretty chain for my glasses, and a
brand new briefcase. So I'm going to march right over to the ARSCC
Corporate Intelligence Office (ARSCC CIO) and see what I can do!
As for the bras, I got *so* many for Christmas that I'm planning to
make a quilt with them, but you are a *dear* for offering!
Now come here and give me another Hughughughug, you! MmmmmmMMMH!
Okay--I'm off! Toodles!
--<The ARSCC Librarian>
P.S. (Turning back at the door, skirt flipping coquettishly) Gosh,
Jeta, who do *you* think leaked that agreement? I mean, I admit that I
knocked back a few--warming up for New Years and all--but I think I
would remember if I did something like *that*! Altho-o-o-ough, I *did*
wake up on top of the map cabinets at noon on New Years day, and I have
*no* idea how I got *there*! (Leaving again. Stopping and turning
again.) And did anybody happen to see that little silver sequined
number, by the way? I can't find it *anywhere* and I think Bill wants
it back. Darn! Oh, well. Gotta' run!
The ARSCC, like its crisp, svelte, determined-to-find-out Librarian,
does not exist.