From: email@example.com (The Galactic Overlord Remailer)
Subject: LOOK WHAT YOUR LITTLE OL' LIBRARIAN FOUND!
I was just sittin' here, sippin' on egg-nog in the ARSCC Chimerical
Library, hummin' a little Christmas ditty, thumbin' through the latest
Cosmo, now and again scratchin' daintily at my thigh (I just *love*
that weird little goose-bumpy scritchy sound fingernails on nylons
make, don't you?), when all of a sudden:
BAM, BAM, BAM! I heard this *pounding* at the back door! In *other*
words, there arose such a clatter, that I *sprang* from my chair to
see *what* was the matter! I made my way through the cloak room
(*still* no lightbulb! A-hem!), wondering if it might be that cute
ARSCC Sheriff takin' me up on my offer. (I mean, it's *way* too early
to be Santa.) I slowly opened the back door and peered around the
Nothin'. Nobody. I stuck my head out and looked up and down the alley.
Nothin'. Nobody. Just a few light flakes of snow wafting on the cold
Hm, I thought. That's weird. Even for the ethereal world of the ARSCC.
Maybe it was McShane trying to execute a search warrant, and he got
the wrong alley. Who knows. <SHRUG>.
I was just starting to close the door when I happened to glance down.
Lying on the stoop, on a light dusting of snow, was a piece of paper.
I almost missed it against the white snow. I picked it up, closed the
door, and took it inside. I put it on the radiator to dry a bit while
I warmed my hands and my taut little tushie, then brought it over to
the desk and slipped on my *totally* bookish tortoise-shell glasses.
Imagine my surprise. It was a letter to *somebody* from the Library of
Congress. Here, you may as well read it yourself:
[LIBRARY OF CONGRESS LOGO]
(Down the side):
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS
101 Independence Avenue, S.E.
Washington, D.C. 20559-6000
"September 23, 1997
"Our reference: [BLACKED OUT]
"This refers to your request of recent date.
"THE ORGANIZATION EXECUTIVE COURSE: AN ENCYCLOPEDIA OF
SCIENTOLOGY POLICY: basic staff v. 0; by L. Ron Hubbard. Appl
author: compilation, editorial revisions, some text: Church of
Scientology International, employer for hire. Prev. reg. 1975,
A 599650. New matter: "compilation, some text, editorial
revisions." Registered in the name of Norman F. Starkey as
executor of the Estate of L. Ron Hubbard doing business as L.
Ron Hubbard Library, effective October 20, 1987 under TX
2-187-253 following publication October 16, 1986 and creation
"Facts of registration for A 599650 mentioned above are as
"THE ORGANIZATION EXECUTIVE COURSE; an encyclopedia
of scientology policy. Vol. 0: basic staff volume. By
L. Ron Hubbard. New matter: compilation, abridgement &
revisions. Registered in the name of L. Ron Hubbard,
under A 599650 following publication September 15, 1974.
"Your remittance of $20.00 has been applied in payment for
this search and report.
"Robin L. Coreas
"Senior Copyright Research Specialist
"Reference & Bibliography Section"
Wonder who would drop this off for me?
Whoever it was, it looks like Sherman Lenske and company, with Norm's
help, have pulled another fast one and put L. Ron Hubbard's name in
the title again. <Giggle!> I just can't get *over* that trick--just
like with "A New Slant on Life." All those Scientologists lining up
with beaming faces to buy *ga-zillions* of dollars worth of books that
they think are *by* L. Ron Hubbard. But these new books are really
*by* Hubbard AND by people hired by the Church of Scientology, all
mixed in together.
This is *so smart*! Heck, they can change the contents all they want
now! Since "L. Ron Hubbard" is just a trademark, and since they call
themselves the "L. Ron Hubbard Library," and since they put his name
in the *title*, they can get away with it. Well, I guess that's why
*they* are lawyers, and *I'm* just a lowly librarian. <Heavy SIGH>.
<TAP, TAP, TAP of pencil, thoughtfully on desk, echoing in the empty
chambers of the ARSCC Chimerical Library.>
Except for that pesky little matter of fraud. Hm. Let me look that up.
I'll just flip through my legal dictionary here. Let's see,
"franchise," "fratricide," Here it is! "Fraud." Hm, it says "knowledge
of falsity and intention to deceive." Oh, my, my, my. I mean, *I*
thought all these books were authored only by L. Ron Hubbard. Didn't
you? Wouldn't anybody, the way they are packaged and advertised and
sold? Say, none of you went out and spent *money* on one of these
books 'cause it had only L. Ron Hubbard's name on the cover, did you?
Wonder how many people have, and how much *money* is involved here?
Hm, "fraud" also says, "misrepresentation, concealment or
nondisclosure of a material fact, or at least misleading conduct,
devices, or contrivance."
Well, shoot! I wonder how many books and things they've *done* this
with? Think I'll go log onto LOCIS and see. Now where's my egg nog?
I'll let you know what I find out! Ta-ta! And Merry Christmas!
--<The ARSCC Librarian>
*The ARSCC, like its saucy and all-decked-out-for-the-holidays
librarian, does not exist.